From time to time I receive emails from wives who stumble across my blog and are happy to discover they aren’t the only women who desire to find fulfillment in their roles as housewives. Sometimes these women haven’t quite found the fulfillment they are looking for – whether it’s due to pressure from family members, society or simply from within. The main reason I write this blog is to encourage women to thrive at home, so I’m always delighted to write them back and to encourage them that being a full time wife is a noble role!
Last week I heard from a young woman who was really struggling to find confidence in her role as a stay-at-home wife. She felt that she needed to be making money in order to bring something to her relationship. She was lonely and frustrated. I want to share parts of my response to her in this post – I am certain there are others out there who are struggling with some of the same issues! (I changed a few things to keep her story private)
To the woman struggling to find fulfillment in her role as a wife –
First of all, you have to decide what your role is. As a wife, my first priority and role is just that – I’m a wife. Nothing else comes before my relationship with my husband. My goal is to live out Proverbs 31:12 – “she does him good and not harm all the days of his life.” Right now, doing my husband good means that I work part time to help supplement our income. It also means that I shop for groceries, decorate the house, do laundry, etc., with his needs in mind. When that’s my goal, I find fulfillment in being a housewife. When people ask me what I do, I say, “I’m married to Paul and enjoy being a housewife. I also create content for my blog and YouTube channel, and I work part time as an accounting assistant.”
Second, you don’t have to work outside the home in order to help bring in income. When I was a full time SAHW, I helped out by searching for the absolute best deals on groceries, limiting my shopping (I only left the house one day a week so I wasn’t tempted to stop at Target and spend, LOL), making our snacks and desserts from scratch and visiting the library each week for books & DVD’s to keep myself entertained. Saving money is just as important as earning money! You could also look for work-from-home jobs that would enable to you to do the same job wherever you live. MoneySavingMom often lists reputable opportunities – you could visit her site and search for those.
Third, concerning the struggle with loneliness while being home all day: the thing that helps me is to remember that my husband is not supposed to meet all of my needs. First of all, I’m a Christian, so I have to put my relationship with God first and ask Him to give me the strength and comfort I need when I feel lonely. I read a really great post recently that said we need to realize we can’t meet our needs, and our husband can’t meet his needs. I am supposed to meet his needs. If you focus on meeting HIS needs instead of the other way around, you will be much happier.
I have had to learn that Paul can’t be everything I need. As a woman, I need interaction with other friends who are women. That’s something Paul can’t do for me! I have really worked on cultivating friendships with women this year and it has made a difference in my life and in our marriage.
I firmly believe that there is always something to do, no matter how many people live in your house. Get on a good housekeeping schedule, organize all the drawers and closets in your house, try new recipes each month, bake goodies for your neighbors or work on craft or DIY projects you enjoy. Keeping a household in good order is a full time job and I defy anyone who says otherwise. 🙂 This goes back to your role – if you’re committed to making your husband your first priority, then your job is to help him be successful. You do that by keeping laundry clean, errands done, etc. I love my role as my husband’s support team!
If you need encouragement or prayer in this area, I would love to help any way I can. You can contact me here or on Facebook. Hugs!
Come Home For Comfort 
I enjoyed reading this post too. When I first got married I was planning to continue working part-time, but God kept shutting the doors. I made my best effort to work and push my way through the closed doors because I was afraid of the stigma of being a stay at home wife. My husband wanted me to stay home though, as I married someone older and already financially established. So I went with it. I love it, except for the rude comments of others who feel the need to share that I am lazy and do nothing all day. I never put my identity in a career or money, so I don’t feel like less of a person. The hardest thing is to find women, except online, who also love staying at home and feel good about it and enjoy it.
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Hi Laura, thank you so much for sharing that! I don’t understand why people feel the need to be ugly toward those who get to stay home – it was the standard for hundreds of years! I agree – it seems like the women who love staying home are so hard to find except online. Thanks for sharing and keep doing what you love!!!
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This post delights me as does your attitude. Call me old fashion, but when I first became a wife, then mother, taking care of the home was a full-time job and today’s women think they can have it all, home, marriage, career and still raise decent kids. Maybe I’ve missed the boat somewhere, but something slacks in one of those areas because it is impossible to give 100% to each. I like when I see a woman of today taking pride in being a wife and mother. It can be enough.
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I totally agree with you, Michelle. I don’t see any way for women to “do it all” either. I know I can’t, that’s why I prioritize my home above everything else. Thanks for your encouragement!
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Whether you’re at home or at work, you have to find fulfillment and joy in what you do! Love your perspective on when you feel like you aren’t contributing to the household. I love the concept of contributing to finances by SAVING. That provides huge value to the family bottom line. You are such an encouraging voice in the blogging world! We value you!
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Thank you for your encouragement, friend!! Hugs!
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You’ve got the biggest, sweetest heart, my friend. Lots of love to you from Ohio ;-).
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Aww, hugs and love to you too!!!
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I love everything about this. Often times, I think I’m the odd wife out because I put so much value in the time I spend with my husband. I limit social engagements if it means I’m away from my husband too much/often. I personally feel my attention is best placed on our household and as the person who keeps it running, that means I have to pull a bit more of the weight but in the end, it all works out and we both feel respected and appreciated.
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Yes! I love hearing your heart on putting your husband first – that makes you a better wife AND a better mommy! I started this blog because I felt like I was the odd wife out and wanted to know if there was anyone else out there who felt like me! We’re in this together, Stephanie. 🙂
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Running a household is definitely a big job! As a single person, there’s plenty to do, and adding in a husband and/or kids makes the responsibilities skyrocket. Having a comfortable, presentable home is definitely something to be proud of….as is a good marriage. If people put their spouses first more often, I believe there’d be a lot fewer divorces.
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You’re so right. I was single for 4 1/2 years after college and took great pride in my housekeeping/homemaking duties!!
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Hi! I recently found your blog via your YouTube channel and I am loving it. This post really resonated with me because I will be leaving my full time job in the near future to stay home full time (no children) with the support of my guy who agrees that this is the best for our relationship. I struggle with what people with think as I leave the corporate world but we both know that this is what we want. We can’t wait and I’m so happy to see other women who enjoy this role!
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Hi Cari, thanks for sharing that with me! How exciting that you’ll be able to stay home full time!
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I am right here at this point! I love this post and it’ s reminder that my own fulfillment comes from the Lord. I’m contributing to my husband and family by the things I do daily. My aunt always said you may not see the fruit while being a stay at home .on now, but after you raise your children.. You will.. Thank you for this beautiful post.
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I’m so glad to hear from you and I do hope I encouraged you in your walk today!!
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This is so good, Whitney! I love that you tell people you are a wife first and share your job last. So often we just tell people our jobs when they ask what we do. But being our husband’s helper and making a home is such an important thing that we women do!
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I ran into an old friend several months ago and asked her what she was up to these days. She almost hesitated and said, “I’m just a mom and I stay home with my kids.” I felt so bad for her – that’s an awesome thing to do! The best thing about me isn’t my job, it’s my marriage and I want people to know that. You do a great job juggling all your responsibilities!
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I think this is such a sweet and encourage post that can be applicable to those of us who aren’t SAHs as well.
Tif
http://www.brightonabudget.com
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Yes! Glad to hear from a working wife and mom! You do a great job juggling your responsibilities. ❤
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I love your post today Whitney and it has so much wisdom from someone who is so young! I hope it encourages many women to embrace their season of life. I think too often we get hung up on the monotony of the mundane and we fail to remember that where we are now is not where we may be in one year!! I guess I am blessed to LOVE being a homemaker as I find it frees me to do so much in my community. I also have time to be a good friend which I have found has been one of the most important things as I look back over my life.
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I love hearing from women who enjoy their roles as homemakers! You are not only a friend, you’re a mentor to young women. Thank you for investing your time and wisdom in young women like me!
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“Your husband is not supposed to meet all of your needs” THANK YOU! I’ve been saying this forever and I’m so glad you’ve said it, too! So many women forget to look to Christ first and then get upset when their hubbies fall short. They’re only human! I also agree that nothing else comes before my relationship with Preston–even our kids. A stable, healthy marriage is the foundation of our family. Thanks for posting such great marriage tips!
Mariah
http://www.faithandfashionblog.blogspot.com
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That is something I’m still working on in my marriage…I’ve learned the hard way that looking for everything I need in one place always ends up a mess. 🙂 Thanks for sharing, Mariah! I’m proud of you for putting your husband first – that will make you a better Mommy!
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I really appreciate this post! I’m a new SAHM and this is spot on. Each day, I try to consider a couple of things: what does the Little need from me today?/How can I be present with him in these little years? and what good can I do around here that will make our evenings and weekends more restful and relaxing when we are all home as a family?
Also, it is so important to me to be able to find time to meet with God during the day and to get out and see other people – we at least go to the library once a week because social needs and (hello!) free!
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Hi Mary Leigh, thanks so much for sharing!! I love your idea to use the days to make weekends restful for everyone – that’s great!
Also…my middle name is Leigh. 🙂
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