From time to time I receive emails from wives who stumble across my blog and are happy to discover they aren’t the only women who desire to find fulfillment in their roles as housewives. Sometimes these women haven’t quite found the fulfillment they are looking for – whether it’s due to pressure from family members, society or simply from within. The main reason I write this blog is to encourage women to thrive at home, so I’m always delighted to write them back and to encourage them that being a full time wife is a noble role!
Last week I heard from a young woman who was really struggling to find confidence in her role as a stay-at-home wife. She felt that she needed to be making money in order to bring something to her relationship. She was lonely and frustrated. I want to share parts of my response to her in this post – I am certain there are others out there who are struggling with some of the same issues! (I changed a few things to keep her story private)
To the woman struggling to find fulfillment in her role as a wife –
First of all, you have to decide what your role is. As a wife, my first priority and role is just that – I’m a wife. Nothing else comes before my relationship with my husband. My goal is to live out Proverbs 31:12 – “she does him good and not harm all the days of his life.” Right now, doing my husband good means that I work part time to help supplement our income. It also means that I shop for groceries, decorate the house, do laundry, etc., with his needs in mind. When that’s my goal, I find fulfillment in being a housewife. When people ask me what I do, I say, “I’m married to Paul and enjoy being a housewife. I also create content for my blog and YouTube channel, and I work part time as an accounting assistant.”
Second, you don’t have to work outside the home in order to help bring in income. When I was a full time SAHW, I helped out by searching for the absolute best deals on groceries, limiting my shopping (I only left the house one day a week so I wasn’t tempted to stop at Target and spend, LOL), making our snacks and desserts from scratch and visiting the library each week for books & DVD’s to keep myself entertained. Saving money is just as important as earning money! You could also look for work-from-home jobs that would enable to you to do the same job wherever you live. MoneySavingMom often lists reputable opportunities – you could visit her site and search for those.
Third, concerning the struggle with loneliness while being home all day: the thing that helps me is to remember that my husband is not supposed to meet all of my needs. First of all, I’m a Christian, so I have to put my relationship with God first and ask Him to give me the strength and comfort I need when I feel lonely. I read a really great post recently that said we need to realize we can’t meet our needs, and our husband can’t meet his needs. I am supposed to meet his needs. If you focus on meeting HIS needs instead of the other way around, you will be much happier.
I have had to learn that Paul can’t be everything I need. As a woman, I need interaction with other friends who are women. That’s something Paul can’t do for me! I have really worked on cultivating friendships with women this year and it has made a difference in my life and in our marriage.
I firmly believe that there is always something to do, no matter how many people live in your house. Get on a good housekeeping schedule, organize all the drawers and closets in your house, try new recipes each month, bake goodies for your neighbors or work on craft or DIY projects you enjoy. Keeping a household in good order is a full time job and I defy anyone who says otherwise. 🙂 This goes back to your role – if you’re committed to making your husband your first priority, then your job is to help him be successful. You do that by keeping laundry clean, errands done, etc. I love my role as my husband’s support team!