For all 10+ years of our marriage, Paul has worked anything but a 9-5 with hours as early as 4:30 AM and as late as 2:00 AM. He hasn’t worked nights, thankfully, but he’s done just about everything else and works at least 6 days each week. I’ve always worked a typical 9-5 job about 4 days a week.
Going in different directions and having very little of the same down time makes it a challenge to stay connected. I’ve seen many couples who end up living their lives independent of each other, even vacationing for weeks without the other.
The danger in that independent life is that you could end up searching for companionship and satisfaction in the wrong places. No marriage is affair proof – everyone is capable of allowing little things to become big deals.
Not only that, you miss out on the sweetness that God intends for marriage to be.
Here’s the good news – if you are currently living an independent life apart from your spouse, it’s not too late! You can take steps today to connect with your spouse. If God can save our souls from death and hell, He can bring life to your marriage.
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Maybe you’re not that far gone – maybe you’re just really busy and feel like you’re not as connected to your spouse as you used to be. These things will be helpful for you, too!
Text each other throughout the day – ask how the day is going, share an encouraging Scripture or quote from a podcast, send a funny gif. It doesn’t have to be complicated, but it’s a great way to share the day with each other. I try to mix in lighthearted conversation with the serious adult life conversations!
Take selfies: Sometimes one of us is asleep when the other leaves in the morning, and vice versa when the other comes home at night. When that happens, I try to send a selfie.
I wish I could be that 50’s housewife who always looks put together and amazing 24/7, but that has never and will never be me. When I get it together for the day, I snap a pic and send it on! 🙂
Make the most of the time you have together. Recently we’ve been doing breakfast together on the days we can’t have supper together. It requires both of us to rearrange our mornings, but it has been such a great addition to the week. Making the effort to spend that time together, even over a simple breakfast at home, makes both of us feel loved and valued.
Schedule and keep regular date nights. We do not have children in our home, so we are able to pretty easily schedule weekly date nights. It’s always so good to get out of the house together and have conversation over a meal. I can only imagine how vital this is for couples with children at home!
Read More: Real Talk About Date Night
Pray for each other. Each day when I pray for Paul, I start by praying a few specific verses and allow that to direct me in the way I pray for the needs in his life. It’s amazing how those passages give me a new perspective on those things, whether they are big picture requests or simple requests for his day.
God knows his needs and can meet them through His Word! (Good verses to pray are Micah 6:8, 1 Chronicles 28:9 or 1 Timothy 6:11-12)
Pray with each other. Nothing encourages me like hearing my husband pray for me by name. Sometimes we pray together before bed, but even incorporating into the prayer before your meal on date night can be so encouraging and bonding.
I do not have all the answers and our marriage is far from perfect. There’s certainly value in learning helpful tips from other married couples, but I can’t change my marriage by just watching what others do and copying their behavior. God’s Word is the only thing that brings lasting hope and change in me (which then brings hope and change to my marriage).
I love this quote I heard in a marriage seminar: “Our connection with each other should reflect our connection with God.” He is always pursuing a love relationship with us, so we reflect Him by continually pursuing a love relationship with our spouse.
If you’re feeling disconnected from your spouse, take the initiative to pursue connection with them. But most of all – get into God’s Word and allow it to change your heart. Even if you don’t see change in him, the Holy Spirit will bring change in you. Win! ❤